Ask the Money Coach: How to Deal with the Haters

Let’s face it. Most people don’t have access to a financial advisor. And if they do, those financial advisors may not take into account the human side of managing money – like how spending, saving, and stressing about it actually makes us feel. Cue the Nav.it money coaches.* We’ve long been answering money questions in the app, but now you can write into our money coaches.

Money coaches are here to answer your money questions including how to deal with people throwing you shade for your financial successes.

Dear Erin,

After college, I was lucky to land a really well-paying job and return to my hometown.

Though I am only 29, I’m single, settled in my career, and really happy with my life. The only problem is I keep getting snarky comments from a few family members and friends. I bought a home that might be more than what I “need” but that I can totally afford.

Receiving a lot of shade for being successful.

Now that I’ve started remodeling it, I can’t get my sister to stop saying things like “must be nice” or “you don’t even have kids.” This home is an investment for me, a major milestone, and something I would hope to celebrate. Do I just stop sharing with them? 

I’m so tired of feeling guilty, but tired of all the shade.

-Successful and Single

How to deal with the haters, when you’re a financial success

Dear Successful and Single,

First of all, congratulations! You have taken care of yourself. You’ve fought to create stability, and are focused on building a life free of fear and focus on wealth, health, and happiness. Nobody else and nobody else’s unhappiness can take that away from you.

Second, it sounds like it’s time to evaluate who you spend your time with on a regular basis. Are your friends (and family) adding value to your life or are they draining your energy?

Maybe it’s time to don some hater blockers.

A money coach answers how to handle haters
Literal hater blockers would be a quicker fix than managing family members’ feelings.

The happiest people in the world focus on their own journey. They don’t compare themselves to others and they don’t blame other people for issues in their own lives. If the people in your network haven’t come to this realization yet, then you have a choice. Do you spend your time with people who deplete you or people who bring you joy?

Why should you evaluate who you spend time with?

Data show that the people you surround yourself with directly impact your mental and physical health. A two-decade-long study at Harvard Medical School found that ” a friend who’s happy improves your likelihood of being happy by 15 percent, having one who’s unhappy lowers your chances by just [7 percent]).” It also matters when it comes to physical health outcomes. Research has shown that a “person’s chance of becoming obese increases by 57% if a close friend is obese, 40% if a sibling is obese, and 37% if a spouse is obese…”

Being weighed down by others’ opinions or negative habits only distracts you from focusing on your own goals.

This is true not just with regard to your finances but also your life and the things you can control. You can’t control that they are miserable, but you can surely control how it affects you and how much time you choose to spend with them.

Finally, do you have a good therapist?

Maybe the best holiday present for your dear friends and family this year is a referral. If you don’t feel like you can tell them to back off, maybe a professional can guide them towards self-reflection and healing.

Takeaways from dealing with the haters:

  1. Nobody can take your wins away from you.
  2. The people around you directly impact your mental and physical health.
  3. It’s time to re-evaluate boundaries and who you spend your precious time with.
  4. Ignore the haters, it usually means you’re on the right track.

In health and wealth,

Erin

Related Reads

Boundaries

Ask the Money Coach: How to Get my Husband to Talk about Money

How to Talk About Money (And Why You Should)

List of Mental Health Resources Online

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*Just remember, that we are NOT your financial advisors, tax advisors, or legal advisors by simply accessing this site.  Everything that you read or interact with on the site is for informational purposes only and you should contact a professional before taking action.

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