Money feels like a deadline. It makes my palms sweat. I get nervous when I approach it and then I push it from my mind, especially when it seems out of reach. If I can manage to make some or spend it correctly, it’s like fresh air breathing into lungs that were close to giving out.
Making Financial Mistakes
Overspend or miss an opportunity to make more? Don’t understand your budget? You know when you were a kid and had that party when your parents were out of town? After that, your mom said she wasn’t mad at you, didn’t even ground you, just said she was disappointed, and walked away. That shit hurts deep.
You could have done something right, could have made choices that would put you in a better position, but then you screwed it all up. You didn’t think anything through or didn’t understand the repercussions of your actions. Money has become my disappointed parent shaking their head at me while I struggle to make choices that will set me up for success, instead of keg stands.
But like I’m 30 years old- I should have a grasp on this money thing, right? Probably, shouldn’t avoid my bank account. It reminds me of my college short story final I put off until the night before it was due. Have you tried to get creative with a deadline at 8am and an empty page in front of you? There’s no amount of coffee that can save you.
And obviously, almost 10 years later, that unnecessary race against the clock still torments me. I don’t want to be haunted by my bank account, too. Money really shouldn’t feel like a deadline (or death sentence).
Getting on Financial Track
I think I’m ready to adult, finally. I take my health and wellness seriously. Very seriously. It’s my entire life and profession. Being a Muay Thai trainer/fighter and yogi doesn’t afford me the opportunity not to. I’m even certified to be a holistic health coach. It blows my mind that for so long I have disconnected financial comprehension and understanding from my overall health.
Ultimately, I have neglected an entire part of my being, just brushed it aside deeming myself not smart enough or capable or even worthy of becoming financially literate.
I have preached over and over to clients and even friends, our health embodies much more than what we weigh or what vitamins we’re taking. Our sleep patterns, career choices, relationships, all of it affect our health – why would our relationship with money be any different?
I’ve been struggling for a few years now with… well, I don’t know if I have the words for it. Feeling whole? Stable? I don’t believe we can be continuously happy for every moment of every day, but I do believe we can be at ease in whatever rhythm life composes for us and when the melody alters, feel comfortable just changing keys. Feeling always out of tune, I just haven’t been in harmony. Maybe, my terrible relationship with money (and in turn, my self-worth) has been what is messing with my jam.
Taking my first step to financial wellness
I think the first step to take is letting go of this idea that my life consists only of deadlines. Financial wellness isn’t really just an endgame, it’s an ongoing process. It grows and changes just like we do. Learning to feel confident with dollar signs and my bank account very well might be the tune-up I need.
Jillian styles herself with many hats. She tries each of them on for moments of time, never quite settling on one. A Muay Thai fighter and trainer, yogi, and writer.
A stargazer, an empathic soul, a true wanderer, and creative. She doesn’t just want to see the world; she wants to dive full on into every intricate nuance of every part of the universe. Deep, yeah?
Jillian didn’t grow up under strict or rigid rules or religious beliefs and was given the freedom to decide her life and her faith for herself. She chose to put her faith in the stars and energy that seems to pulsate around us. “Like calls to like,” a quote, an ideal, a mantra she tries to live by. What we put out into the world will come back to us.
Some, especially her students, may describe her as firm and tough and strictly devoted to training, but her heart sings anytime she is laughing and even more when she is simply snuggled up on a Sunday morning, front porch sitting with a good book and a cup of coffee. Jillian knows her path is unorthodox. She reminds herself constantly to trust in every step she takes. Every hat she throws on was meant for her to try.